So...summer. So far it's been way too much of a party. I've been hanging out at Jenn and Vanessa's a lot. Vanessa moved to Marina Del Rey for the summer, so we're in prime position to hang out. I love it! Usually I'm so bored and lonely during the summer. I've been sorta kinda looking for a job, mostly by browsing Craig's List. I got one hopeful looking hit at Magicopolis on fourth street. Applied, but didn't get it.
Assholes ><. That's okay though. I know logically that I need a job, but I don't really WANT one. Mom has been in Louisiana, so it's been pretty low stress. Unfortunately that all changes as of next week. For some reason my dad's side has decided to have their family reunion in LA, so naturally we have to put a bunch of people up. ANNOYING! I'm expected to entertain my teenaged cousins. That shit is lame. On the flip side we might go to Vegas. If we do, I'm gonna see if I can get Kathy and whoever else is free to come with me. Also, Sara lives out there and I could go hang out with her and get into some shenanigans. OH! Sara, Charis, and Ericka are going to be out here for the Electric Daisy Carnival this weekend, so hopefully we'll meet up. Also, the gang is moving into the Blue House which is really exciting. Speaking of housing, I need to start looking for a roommate. Blah.
ANIME EXPO IS IN LIKE TWO WEEKS! That makes everything amazing. I also really want to attend Comic-Con in July, and Yaoi-con in October. I'm cosplaying as the Dark Phoenix again due to lack of funds for a better costume. I blew off the last two weeks of work this semester, hence the no money havingness. I wanted to be the White Queen, but ah well. Perhaps next year. My Phoenix costume got a lot of attention last time anyways, so hopefully no one will notice it's re-do. ^_^ Sean's Iron-man costume as well as the cool ones he made for Melanie and Isaiah are gonna be way good too. So excited!Hopefully we'll be able to uphold the tradition of eating at the closest Denny's before going to the Expo. It's so much fun, because no one else in there gets why you're in those crazy costumes, and random people stop and talk to you and take pictures with you. But Sean says he won't be able to sit and eat in his bulky Iron-man costume. I'll try and talk him into it anyway. ; 3
Amber - as for buying anime and anime related stuff, it'll be just like Yaoi-con was times a billion! They have huge areas where you can buy pretty much everything you've ever dreamed of. I usually don't buy anything, just 'cause I'm cheap, but my friend Sean wants to stock up on action figures, so I'm sure you guys will have plenty of time at the booths!
Also, we're probably gonna go to the Masquerade, where cosplayers show off their costumes and sometimes do little skits. A lot of the time they're really funny...but some are not.
Welp, it's gonna be a busy couple of weeks! Better get ready...
Oh, I just realized, I'm gonna have to take my facial piercings out for my cosplay...gah, I hope they don't close!
I lost the ball of my lipring, and had to put in a smaller one. The hole's definitely gotten smaller, so now when I go buy a new ring, I will have to have them re-gauge it. I'm sure that's gonna hurt like a bitch. Annoyed.
- The semeter's almost over, and I'm not sure whether or what I'm going to pass. Again. Damn my carefree attitude to hell.
- I have a driver's license and my friends let me drive their cars pretty regularly. Exciting. ^_^
- I've been having too much fun. The days are starting to blur together. Things are wierd between several vital members of my group, and I blame sex.
- I might be an alcoholic...and I'm okay with that.
- I cleaned my room today!
- I'm going to see Mallory in the Underpants tomorrow night, and I'm excited.
- I was not asked to join the drama honor society, and I'm secretly really bummed about it. The end of next year is my last chance, but I'll never have had that cute little asterisk by my name in the playbill here. Lame.
- It has occurred that I have not participated in ANY extra-curricular activities or groups in college AT ALL. I think that shows a marked lack of drive, and it sucks. Anime club doesn't count. ><
- I found my i-pod.
- I really want to see Iron-Man with Sean.
- Miyavi is my boyfriend.
I hate it when best friends start getting dick. They ignore you for days, then freak out on you for not giving them enough attention. Stupid bitchez whom I love.
So rather than Vegas, or Puerto Rico, as was planned, I ended up staying with some friends for a few days before scurrying home. That was actually pretty goddamn fun, and I was drunk pretty much the whole time. I didn't stay for Kathy's b-day which makes me kind of sad. She's 21! I bet you can guess what THAT means...
This is my second day at home. Yesterday, I got my driver's permit which allows me to legally drive as long as there's someone over 18 in the car with me, so if anything I can definitely DD until I get my full fledged license. I don't think I'm that great a driver yet though. I tend to make small, but very critical mistakes. Also...left turns should die. I'll work on it though, because I definitely need my license.
I also got the new Dresden Files book Small Favor. It wasn't that good unfortunately. Blood Rites is still my favorite. But Proven Guilty, and White Night were fairly decent too. This one just altogether sucked.
There was no real plot development. At least none that I couldn't already predict. No real character evolution either. I mean, in all of the other books so far there's been some kind of revelation, or extreme plot point, but this felt more like a bunch of side quests that had nothing to do with the series as a whole. We all KNEW that Murphy was supposed to be the third Knight. It's stupid that Jim's dragging it out by making her refuse the initial calling. And what the hell in Sanya supposed to do while he's waiting for Harry to select two new Knights? He can't fight Satan all by himself! Obviously, Murphy is eventually going to take up the sword. We all KNEW that Helen Demeter was an evil bitch, so it's not surprising that she sold out Marcone. He paralyzed her daughter, after all. We all KNEW that Harry was a chauvenistic, stubborn, pig headed bastard. Did we really need another plot all about him rushing in to 'save the girl'? And finally, we all KNEW that the only thing that would make Michael put down the sword and actually raise his family was death, and now he's practically dead. Great. The only interesting thing that happened in this book was Harry deciding to stop waiting for Murphy to come around, and finally getting some pussy at the very end. I'm sure most of the fans are really pissed off about Harry and Murphy still not ending up together. Especially with the indication that Murphy's got feelings for Kincaid still. I think it's pretty gross and forced since Butcher hasn't really bothered to give Kincaid that much of a personality yet. But...Luccio's cool, and probably younger and hotter (looking) than Murphy anyway. Way to go Harry. You plow that bitch.
Jim Butcher's going to have a lot of installments to the Dresden Files though, so I'll just consider this one of those stretcher tactics...something to fill in the space between actual GOOD books. Kind of like Book 6 of Harry Potter. ; p
For the rest of my stay at home, I just want to relax. I need to find monologues and practice accents for dialect study. That shouldn't be too horrible. Also, I might try to find a DMV that's NOT booked 'till Christmas so I can take my test. Blah!
I need to learn when enough is enough.
I went to San Diego this weekend. I knew I should've have, but I did anyway. Chewed on my lip ring so much it bled. Yum. Now it's all irritated and probably won't heal...ever. Granted I've only had it since Wednesday, but it's really annoying. It doesn't feel ANY better. I want it healed like now. I'm having my usual Spring-ish allergy attack as well. Perfect timing, ne? I just layed in bed all day and coughed my brains out. Miserable! I did order Madhouse from Amazon last night though. I'm excited about reading that. Yay for naked orgy-going Pan spirits!
I called Kathy at like four and asked if she could take me to the friggin' store to get medicine. She said yeah, but notice it's like nine, and we still haven't gone. I just asked Mallory if she would take me. She said yeah, but I have to wait for her too because she's gonna eat first. I dunno, if my friends were sick and I had a car, I definitely would've placed them a little higher on my itenerary, but I'm probably just irritated and needy right now.
I'd better get some goddamn medicine tonight though given that I have 9:30 class tomorrow. I need to be all drugged up damn it!
I haven't been taking care of myself, and now I'm paying for it.
One day I'm going to realize that I have nothing left to lose. Once you hit the bottom you can either get up and start from scratch, or you can lay there and die. I honestly don't know which I prefer.
So...as usual when I'm at home, I'm a complete vampire.
Had wicked bad cramps earlier, but now they're gone.
Item One. My birthday is next Saturday. I'll be 20 [yeah, I'm a youngin'] and I'm mildly excited. All I want is money. Money for a tattoo and money for Vegas in spring.
Item Two. I need to get my fucking driver's licence like yesterday. Maybe there's a dmv in Whittier? I need to practice. Who can I talk into letting me practice driving in their car? Hmmm...
Item Three. I know what tattoo I want. I'm thinking a geisha on my back, and a twisted alice in wonderland on my flank. The alice one will probably come first, hopefully this semester. Maybe Kathy can hook me up with her guy?
Item Four. I need to get laid like now.
Item Five. I need to get drunk like now.
Item Six. I need to get high like now.
Item Seven. My mom sucks.
Item Eight. I love beer.
Item Nine. Grandma's Boy is the funniest fucking movie ever. "Please sit on my face."
Item Ten. Miyavi is my boyfriend.
Item Eleven. I need a ciiiiiig!
I'm cornrow/hawking my hair, and I'm pretty excited about it. I hope it turns out sick as fuck. I'm bored bored bored boredy bored.
I've been listening to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack non stop. That shit is dank.
I'm gay for Layne D'Angelo. I would be her slave forever: http://www.modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=665
I'm watching an HBO special about drug addiction. It's pretty lame, I thought it would be more interesting like with personal accounts and shit, but it's just a bunch of boring ass psychologists.
I got to hang out with my broham and his family for New Years. It was chill, but I made them drive me home after midnight. Felt kind of bad about that. Yet another reason why I need a fucking ride of my own. I feel pretty useless and pathetic the more I have to weasel rides out of people. I'm about to be twenty. I need a fucking car damn it.
I need to fix my credit. I need to get straight A's this semester while also having the time of my life. I'm probably not going to pledge.
Rob Zombie is the shit. Ummmm...I think that's all. Sean and I might go to this anime convention on Sunday, but we'll see. When the fuck do they change the locks back at the dorms? I'm ready to get back to my fucking life. Blah!
So, one of my best friends basically just shit all over me. Rather than being upset with her, I discussed the situation and beyond with her logically, calmly, and rationally. I assured her I wasn't angry, that I understood, or was willing to understand, and that I hoped to work things out. But more than likely, I know she'll read everything wrong, and pout and whine, and cry.
Why do I always have to be the bigger person? The last time I remember honestly acting out was when Jennifer Holmes told me all that shit. Honestly, now that I'm not so angry and butt hurt, I agree with her. And that didn't involved anyone but me?
I'm ALWAYS there. Whenever anyone needs me. I'm always there, with the truth, and a smile, and shoulder to cry on, so why do I keep getting shit on? Why haven't I been able to befriend a single MOTHERFUCKING INDIVIDUAL who is at least HALF as accesible to me, as I make myself to MY friends?
Am I abnormal? Are people just not supposed to actually care about and support each other? Is the only way to get through this life, to be a cold, frigid, bitch? I can be that, if I need to be. But I don't want to be.
I put myself out there, and let them know that they can trust me for a reason: I want some reciprocity. But I never get it. I would never let any of these people down. None of them. But they let me down constantly. Can two strong willed, nurturing people just NOT be friends with each other?
When I get screwed over like this, it hits me really hard. I feel isolated. Not socially or anything, because I know I have people to 'hang out' with. Just emotionally. I know no one's ever going to get me; I mean really GET me, or even try to. Everyone's so wrapped up in their own business, their own problems. But if I can spare three minutes of my motherfucking life, to care about someone else, why can't another person do the same for me? I deserve it. I know I do.
I'm tired of feeling abandoned. I'm tired of feeling alone.
So, after a really strong audition, and equally solid call back, I was not cast in the Spring production of the Crucible. It's a major let down, but I kind of called it. What this theater department has taught me this year, is that talent is irrelevent. Or at least in some settings, it can be. If you don't fit into the plan that the director has for his/her play, you will not be cast. I accepted this in Twelfth Night. Gil wanted Americans, Cubans, and Brits. Of course there are no black people in England or America in the 1920's, so because of my race I was not euipped to fill those roles. But being black, I could easily be a slutty cabana girl. /sarcasm
Before she ended callbacks, Jen gave this weird "Don't freak out if you don't get cast. You have to take a lot of things into consideration for a show like this. If I select one person, that's going to affect who else I select. This is an educational venue, not a professional one, so I have to consider all of these things, blah blah blah."
And then she casts all of the people who sucked in Call back's. With the exception of a handfull of people, literally three or four girls, the rest sucked. They had BAD auditions. I sat there and watched them audition BADLY. And yet, they were cast. Jen said not to try and analyze her decisions on our own, that we should go speak to her. But my hypothesis is that she selected people who needed work. Who were open to the most growth and development.
But that sucks. I'm a Junior, I'm a strong, solid actor, and I've been active in this theater department for the last three years, and yet I've never had a substantial role. I would love to know why Jen Holmes felt like she couldn't use me in this production. I'm way dissapointed.
But in complete contradiction to all of this, I'm really excited about having the next semester to myself. Leah's going to be back, and we're gonna get to connect again. But it sucks that I'm a theater major, an actor, and will not be participating in any shows for the next several months.
My last chance to salvage this semester for theater is Gil's last play of the year, but I don't even know anymore. It's just lame all around. Sadness.